Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile. - Samuel Longhorne Clemens (Mark Twain)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dominic Heutelbeck's Figmentia

I realized this morning that a number of us throw around the word figmentia seemingly at random and many of the new folks may not know what that means or where it came from.

The original Figmentia list was on Dominic Heutelbeck's web site where the Vision in Color competitions were held. That website seems to be lost to the tides of the ether now (http://www.miniature-painting.net/)

Using the wonders of the wayback machine I have unearthed the original Figmentia page from Dominic's site and I thought I would repost it here.

Scroll down the list, you will recognize some of the names!


Lately it has been observed that many persons involved into the hobby of collecting and painting miniatures show signs of a new so far unknown disease, the Figmentia. In this publication the authors try to achieve the following goals:
  • Enable the reader to make a medical correct diagnosis of Figmentia.
  • Give the patient the feeling not to be alone.
  • Enable the patients relations to develop a understanding for his problems.
  • To make this knowledge about Figmentia public to get more people interested in the research of this fascinating disease.
Now let us define the term Figmentia.
Figmentia (fig-men'sha) 1. An irreversible deterioration of one's intellectual faculties with accompanying mental disturbances resulting from an obsessive compulsive indulgence in the miniatures hobby. 2. The state of believing in the corporal and sentient nature of miniature figurines. Origin: the term was first used by Bob Lippman on the mini-painter@egroups.com mailing list as an amalgam of "figure" and "dementia".
Victims of Figmentia are often found in so called gaming stores or are gathering at so called conventions around some colored toy soldiers.
A number of common signs of Figmentia will follow below, but there are more terms to introduce that are closely related to Figmentia.
Figmata (Fig-mah' tah) 1.The appearance of wounds upon the hands, feet or upper thighs due to the painting of miniature figurines. Often accompanied by discolorations of the thumb and fingers (pigmenta) and characterized by the belief that the infusion of blood into the painting process will increase the potency of the miniature. 2. The appearance of wounds upon a person who interferes with the miniature painting process. 3. The physical signs of Figmentia. 4. An exclamation made by miniatures hobbyists upon injuring themselves while converting miniatures (especially while in the presence of their underage issue) as in: "oh Fffff...figmata!" Origin: the term was first used by Peter Blackwell on the mini-painter@egroups.com mailing list as an amalgam of "figure" and "stigmata".
Modern science attempts to explain these injuries as the result of the accidental mishandling of X-Acto knives, Dremels, or sharpened weapons on the miniatures themselves. Many religions, however, believe this to be a sign or omen from the Miniature Pantheon.
Victims of Figmentia or Figmata are also often called Miniacs.
We are sad to say that so fare no cure has been found against Figmentia. It is rumored that marriage with children or getting a real job after college did help in some very rare cases.
Parapsycologists have also encountered the phenomenon of Paintergeists. These are figmented persons who can't find their peace in afterlife until every miniature in their collection has been painted.
To know if you are a figmented person you should check with the following symptoms and when you find out about new symptoms of Figmentia please don´t hesitate to submit them.
Figmentia Symptoms from Peter Blackwell.
  • You have been heard to say, "Damn, I'm all out of rotted flesh!".
  • You make machine-gun noises while you paint.
  • When people hand you something to look at, you hold it two inches from your face.
  • You once danced around your dorm room shouting, "Yes! Yes!" when you finally discovered how to get that perfect tone of flesh. (I can personally testify to this.)
  • You have butchered people for bumping your elbow.
  • You can pronounce "pfthalo".
  • You've painted the face on a coin.
  • You don't know why you've gotten in trouble for telling people that you're going out to buy a bag of grass.
  • You've paid $4 for a handful dirt.
  • You're amazed when people pour perfectly good Pine-sol on the floor.
  • You look at real things and think how much better you could have painted them. This is sometimes called Obsessive Painting Disorder.
Figmentia Symptoms from Laszlo Jakusovszky.
  • You find it hard to tear yourself away from painting to eat ("If I can just finish this blending...").
  • You play music to "get you in the right mood" to paint (i.e. Guns n Roses, Metallic, and Ministry for ViC #2).
  • You have to stop painting, because your fingers are cramping up.
  • You buy minis that you "might use *someday*...".
  • You pay 4 times the original retail price for those rare, OOP minis, then let them sit on the shelf for years... (see above entry)
  • The wife starts to ask why you need all these minis, and you reply: "It could be worse, I could be a crack addict!".
  • Shouting "My life is now complete!" in the game store when you find *that* mini you've spent years looking for (RP "Ray Harryhausen" Cyclops ;^).
  • Discovering a new line of paints is like regaining your virginity.
  • You eye the unpainted minis on the GM's bookshelf during the game, instead of engaging in combat.
  • You covet your friend's minis (isn't that a commandmant?) - "wow, he has a (fill in the blank)!"
  • You drive two hours in the pouring rain to a gaming store having a 1/2 off on minis sale.
  • You know the names of your favorite sculptors by heart, but when asked your kids' names, you answer "who?".
  • You have 6 types of glue to assembly minis with, but only ever use one.
  • You worry about lead rot. ;^)
  • You joined minipainter@eGroups.com.
  • If blindfolded, you can tell which brand of paint a bottle is by the smell alone. ;^)
  • The smell of mini paint makes you drool.
  • You tell your spouse you'll only buy one new mini for each one you paint!
  • No, what's worse is being in the middle of the act of love, and telling your lover he/she can't turn off the lights, because you won't be able to see the mini you're painting then! ;^P
Figmentia Symptoms from Jefferey R. McDowell.
  • When you start wearing Bifocals , not because your eyes are bad, but so you can paint small details.
  • When Your in the games store and start to paint mini's before you buy them.
  • When you offer to paint every model of every tom dick and harry you know, when you have a billion models of your own to paint.
  • When you Restrip models you painted a month ago thinking you can do better than that.
  • When you in a Museum and you think the Thinking man could use a bit of color.
  • You put up a web page with every miniature maker sculptor painter & what ever to make it easier for you to hit the daily links.
  • You start a Vision In Color Web Page so you can showcase everyones paint jobs. :)
  • Your wife gets on your case for useing her nail file to remove flash line from your mini's.
  • You are seen in Beauty supply stores to get supplies.
  • Your dinner table looks like colorized marble.
  • Your Front steps have little out lines of dead bodies from priming your miniatures.
  • You try to get to know people on The 1Listsculpting, just so you can get free miniature work done. :)
  • You kiss Lazslo ass just to get him to give you trade secrets on how he does flame. :) Kidding Lazslo...
  • You Kiss Bob Lippmans ass just to geta free copy of that Nature Golem hes working on.. :) Kidding Bob
  • You start Running a Yearly Gaming Convention that never makes a Cent, but you walk away with a bunch of free Miniatures. :) (thats Me, i have lost as much as 4 grand on these conventions, but always have a few free miniatures I never give away at the con.)
  • You Have a green Thumb, not because your good at Gardning, but because you dig Ork's
  • You start to like the taste of paint.
  • You think that Saliva is the best way to get your brushes clean... See above.
  • You start to look like a Goth Freak from the lack of sleep and the funny colors on your face.
  • You are heard saying The Colors Pal look at the colors, while sleeping.
  • Your kids are your worst nightmare when playing near your display case.
  • You Name and give each miniature a note book full of background and life history for a game system you no longer play.
  • You start to plan a Movie like Toy Story for your miniatures because you know there alive, no really they are.
  • You think that The Indian in the Cubard is a true story.
  • You Own a color wheel.. So your miniatures will look right.
  • You build a Paint table with locking drawers and the perfect lighting, into a closet, or in a basement, somewhere only you would go.
  • You buy Miniatures people have on thier web sites just to show them up with your talent.
  • You have Printed Pictures of others work, Because you know you can do better.
  • You know every one of these Figmentia things by heart.
  • Someone says Go Figure and you think of another Figmata.
  • Someone says go figure and you do, by buying a new miniature.
  • You marry a women because she has more miniatures than you, doubling what you had before.
  • You buy Miniatures for your kids, just so you can paint and play with them.
  • You plant Fig Trees thinking they produce lead miniatures.
  • When you can open a game store with the unpainted lead laying about your house.
  • You pass up Sex with a Awesome Naked Women, to paint miniatures.... ( the Ultimate Figmata )
  • Your Pass Up Sex with a Gorgouse Male Stripper to Paint Miniatures.
  • When People say hey check out that Figure, you start looking for a Miniature Figurine.
  • You know you suffer from figmentia when you can ID a miniature from a scanned image.
  • When you start to use your name as a Acronym for a Miniature Painting contest, exp: MIC = Miniatures In Color you know your suffering from Figmentia.
  • You know you suffer from figmentia when you browse Paint stores for Color Chips to add to the color wheel your making out of them.
  • You know that your a classic case of Figmentia when you have the longest list of symptoms on Dom's Web site for Figmata's & Figmentia's.
Figmentia Symptoms from Deane P. Goodwin.
  • You tell the figure you are painting, "Stop squirming!"
  • It stops.
  • Are positive those Johnny Rebs were not in open skirmish order last time you saw them.
  • Can not remember what color your left thumb was at birth.
  • Wonder where those other people in your house are, then realize it is 5 am.
  • The clerk at the all night convenience store does not recognize you with the OptiVisor off.
Figmentia Symptoms from David Mathis.
  • You'd rather use your money to buy a mini than to put gas in your automobile.
  • You weep inconsolably whenever one falls off the shelf.
  • You paint Battlemechs in overalls and BVDs every time you get frustrated trying to do a 'real' paintjob.
  • You start to realize that it might be cheaper to get hooked on drugs than to try and support your miniature habit.
Figmentia Symptoms from DragonPaint.
  • You have hundreds paint bottles around but you still mix them because tou need "the right shade".
  • You go out and buy some more paint bottles because someone in mini-painter mailing list tell you that they are "the right shade" you need for a new mini.
  • You start painting a new miniatures every day but you have just one or two new miniatures painted every month.
  • You collect all these sentenciens and print them but you dont read them because you have a new mini to paint.
  • You paint the eyes first so you can talk with your miniature while you paint it.
  • You plan your holidays looking the conventions calendar or the miniature stores list.
  • You have the fear of running out of lead.
  • You find the mini-painter mailing list on EGroups and spend a couple of days reading the 12000+ messages in the archives to get all the painting hints.
Figmentia Symptoms from Doctor Faust.
  • You've driven all over town looking for the perfect shade of black.
  • You point to someone's miniature army and scream "PRIMER IS NOT PAINT!!!!" (guilty)
  • You enjoy the smell of resin
  • You buy two new miniatures every time you finish paitning one.
  • You take on the persona of a fictional character from a Geoffe play and dish out painting tips to anyone who will listen. ;)
Figmentia Symptoms from Dominic Heutelbeck.
  • You see dollar signs pop up in the eyes of the clerk when you enter a games store.
  • DragonPaint added the following to the last point : ....and when you exit the store the clerk phone to the next store to forewarn that you're coming
  • You don´t know where to put your cloth, since your wardrobe is full of miniatures and games.
  • You can identify the painter of a miniature is seconds by looking at the paint job.
  • You have put some (50 and up) painted miniatures in a games store for display because you don't have display space left at home.
  • You get strange looks when you begin to tell how you achieved that blending by "moving around the pigments until they are at the right place".
  • You begin to study figure drawing because you want to get *that* banner right some day.
  • You start playing around with armatures and green stuff because there are these figures you would like to paint but nobody makes them.
  • You write articles more than five pages long just about brushes.
  • You are taking commissions from gaming companies and paint those figures to show quality for about 4$ or less per hour.
  • You enjoy the moment when you paint the eyes because the miniature becomes alive at that moment.
  • You know that the figures of that new company will be available in your country in some months but you start to mail order them right away, but you know you will not be able to paint them before they are available anywhere.
  • You get mad when someone on the mailing-list mentions a cool art supply that you simply can't get where you are living.
  • You are laughing about these silly little Figmentia quotes.
  • TV visits you to film you painting.
  • You don't even get out to meet someone to have sex with, because there are so many nice figures left to paint.
  • You subscribe to Playboy magazine just to do some research on nipple colors.
Figmentia Symptoms from Eve Forward-Rollins.
  • You coo and baby-talk at the mini when it's going particularly well. "Do you like your nice boots? Aren't they so brown? Yes! Yes they are! Look at your little boots!"
  • Your carpet looks like a Jackson Pollock.
  • 98% of your clothing has a paint mark on it somewhere.
  • If someone handed you an Oscar, your first reaction would be to check it for flash lines.
  • You describe something to someone using painting terms i.e. "Her hair's a sort of Chestnut Wash over Bestial Brown" or "It snowed a little, just a light drybrushing all over."
  • You've ever mistaken your shaker of ground oregano for the nigh-identical shaker of Blended Turf. (Done this. Oregano makes fine flocking, but a bit too powdery.)
Figmentia Symptoms from Bob Lippman.
  • You sharpen the weapons on your figures to improve your dice rolls.
  • You paint the miniatures eyes last because you don't like it when someone is staring at you while you are painting.
  • before cutting a miniature to make a conversion you feel tears well up in your eyes and mutter "this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you."
  • You are careful to lock you display case each night just in case the figures are mad at you about something'.
  • You cut air-holes in your chessex box
  • You figure that by displaying your miniatures in units, that they will be able to train between games and fight better as a result
  • You have named all of your miniatures, but still wonder what their secret names, the ones they call each other by, are.
  • You order miniatures from a manufacturer you have never heard of, to see if you like their miniatures enough to buy them.
  • You are personally offended when you log onto a miniatures company's website and all they have is a description of the miniature, and not a picture.
  • You go to the zoo and each time you look at a new animal you think about how you would achieve that color combo and effect in miniature.
  • You have dozens of old paintbrushes with one hair left in them that you can't throw away because they might be useful someday.
  • As soon as your company announces its holiday/vacation you start looking for convention dates that you can schedule.
  • When you sneak new figures past your wife and into the basement, you feel like you are cheating on her.
  • You are certain that you will not die until you have painted your last figure, so you keep buying new miniatures that you have no intention of painting.
Figmentia Symptoms from Joel Patton.
  • When you can't respond to this thread for a couple days 'cause there's so much to paint.
  • When you've acquired a subspecialty on the mini-painter list (Laszlo on primer: << Joel could probably help you out more than me ;^) >>)
  • When people say "Whoa, what a nice-looking model," you start thinking up paint schemes.
Figmentia Symptoms from freds67@aol.com.
  • You talk to your miniatures about your painting task for that day. "Ok men, today we get new pants!"
Figmentia Symptoms from William Nitsche.
  • While driving down the freeway you notice something on the side of road, get off at the next exit, backtrack to that place, pull off and pick it up as it might make some interesting terrain. [Yes this is a true story. The bit in question was an interesting hubcap that will eventually become a space-station. No, I haven't been committed.]
  • You own at least your own weight in unpainted 'lead.'
  • You're in self-denial that you'll actually get it all painted in your lifetime.
  • You've replaced every lightbulb in the house with daylight bulbs.
  • You've painted, even once, in the bath.
  • You keep a reserve fund of money just in case you luck into someone attempting to cure themselves of their own case of Figmentia.
  • You won't play a game just because you don't have a painted army, even though you have an army at home that IS painted--just not painted by YOU.
  • Your collection of painting/idea books is larger than all other books you own combined.
  • You've purchased every single shade of a brand of paint.
  • When you go to new game stores you look for old, out-of-production, shades (GW goblin green, anyone?)
  • You've gone to a fashion show to check out new clothing color combination for painting.
  • You sharpen the points of spears/swords to keep others from handling your figs too roughly.
Figmentia Symptoms from Thomas Pope.
  • You stare at the back of someone's head for half an hour on the bus, trying to figure how to paint that beautiful shade of copper-red hair.
Figmentia Symptoms from John C.
  • You've used superglue to seal a x-acto injury.
  • You own at least one color of paint with a name that you are embarassed to say aloud. ("Snot green?")
  • You buy those big plastic cowboys and indians so you can use them to teach your eventual children to paint.
  • You save your cat's whiskers, and use them as either antenna or 100/0 brushes.
  • You have at least one figure painted with a mixture of paint and your own blood -- donated accidently, but it looked surprisingly good when you were finished....
  • You accompany your wife to a craft store, and end up spending roughly ten times as much as she does.
  • Discovering that the local art supply store carries milliput is the highlight of your week.
  • You've finished at least one figure that makes you pick it up and say "Damn! That looks good!" whenever your eye falls upon it.
  • It is another sign of figmentia when the reason that you're looking forward to July 4th is because it will give you another day that you can spend painting.
Figmentia Symptoms from Mystraven.
  • Every article of clothing you own has at least one zap -a- gap glue spot on it. (one time I drooped a wet, glued slathered skeleton arm on my shirt and was so busy I left it there for a while)
Figmentia Symptoms from Ming-Hua Kao.
  • Your most important holiday preparation is to check newsgroups, mailing lists and magazines for shops in the intended holiday location.
  • Visiting all these shops within a day of arrival and instinctively finding into any others of which you did not have the address.
  • Finding at least several "really must have" figure in any of these shops.
  • Having to dump stuff as all the metal makes your luggage exceed the plane weight limitations.
  • Eyeing things that most people would consider garbage but which would just look lovely in your diorama.
For the sculptors amongst us:
  • having a travel miniature sculpting kit and claiming the only desk in the backpackers that has a spotlight (i.e. check-in desk) to sculpt deep into night while others are getting drunk at the bar.
  • Spend the whole first day in a hostel sculpting as you can't buy, borrow or copy that lovely picture in a book you found there (Cyrano the Swordfish in a Steven Jackson adventure). All this before going to have a look at the town (and shops).
Figmentia Symptoms from Da Krusher.
  • You cry when you mix a shade of colour a few tones out.
  • You lock yourself in your room if you get that tiny spot of black on your beautifully painted red cloak.
Figmentia Symptoms from Mr. Vampire.
  • You feel a confident satisfaction when looking out of your balcony to survey your undead leagion.
  • You contemplate the recreational activities, sporting events and social functions of the undead.
  • You try to goad other miniature collectors and painters into buying miniatures that you believe would look great in their army.
  • You can identify your 500+ miniatures by name and describe their social position in their society.
  • You deveise a political-economic system for your skelton empire.
Note: While most family and aquaintences have displayed a natural immunity it is apparent that Figmentia can be contagious.
Figmentia Symptoms from Jim Hauber.
  • You have painted on the plane for four hours solid on trans-atlantic business trips because this is the most free time you get in your life.
  • You have a traveling painting case with minis that only get painted when you are on the road complete with its own stock of paint and brushes.
  • You check all other luggage just so you can keep traveling painting case with you on plane.
  • You own more minis than the population of small countries.
  • The only reason you leave your hotel room when traveling is to see what the game stores in this city have.
  • You are never good enough. You always feel the next one will be even better.
Figmentia Symptoms from Daniel Joyce.
  • You spend hours devising the ultimate formula to improve your paint workability and flow.
  • You see terrain items instead of hardware when you go to a construction supply store.
  • You passionately debate the merits of various brands of superglue with anyone who will listen.
  • You research the web, trying to find out who really makes a particular brand of paint (e.g. GW paints are made by Windsor and Newton ).
  • You debate the merits of synthetic versus natural hair brushes to all who will listen.
  • You wonder how you ever lived without your Optivisor.
  • Seeing a mini you want to buy is like christmas when you were 6.
  • You make sound effects to match the miniature as you paint. Gun shots for soldiers, snarls for dragons, demonic laughter for demons.
  • Entering Michaels or Hobby Lobby is like being a kid in a candy store.
Figmentia Symptoms from Justin Paul.
  • You spend 3 hours prepping, pinning, and gluing...your finger onto your Bloodthirster.
Figmentia Symptoms from Hans Fousert.
  • One's birthday wish list only consists of (homepage adresses of) Miniature Manfacturers and item numbers?
  • It only takes a few minutes to write a few pages with this?
  • It takes ages to think of some 'normal' presents?
Figmentia Symptoms from Craig Stocks.
  • You spend more time keeping up your hobby desk/bench/area then you do on more important things, like the rest of the house. (I really do need to reglaze a couple more windows, but painting windows after glazing doesnt have the same appeal as painting something much much smaller)
Figmentia Symptoms from Derek Carmichael.
  • You have a really difficult time selling or trading old mini's, even ones that have been on a shelf or in a box for 10 years. (I always say: "Oh, I'll get to that some day." :-) It's almost painful just to think about! :-)
  • You wonder if you can get your carpool to stop by the game store "briefly".
  • When you get all misty over how they *used* to make miniatures.
Figmentia Symptoms from D Anthony Robinson.
  • You wonder if you can get away with bringing your paints and models to your workplace so you can paint during lunch and when things are slow.
Figmentia Symptoms from Luc Tremblay.
  • You can field a complete army for just about any wargame out there but you never read one rulebook.
  • You know more shades of green than your average home decorator but you keep you feigning ignorance because you don't want to say that you want GW snot green for your room.
  • You can tell shades of acrylic appart from the taste
  • You get sever withdrawal symptoms if go a day or so without beeing exposed to primer fumes.
Figmentia Symptoms from Federico Kereki.
  • Your birthday presents are all resin or metal.
Deano C. Ware made other shocking observations in this context:
  • anti-hygeinic extremis disorder - a condition believed to be caused by the repeated misappropriation of bath water for dipping and washing miniature paint brushes. Victims are said to suffer from extremely chaotic odors repulsive to every other non-metallic being but themselves. Treatment is very difficult as victims suffering from this disorder tend to roam from game store to game store never quite staying long enough in any one outlet to be captured and bathed.
Figmentia Symptoms from The Ogre.
  • You begin getting yourself deeper and deeper into miniatures-painting, then get your spouse involved... and then your children. It proceeds outward, until the day comes when you no longer have any casual acquaintances that you don't greet with "What'cha been painting?"
Figmentia Symptoms from Shadowknight.
  • You KNOW you have too many mini's when you can melt them down and make your own battle ship (not a model, the real thing!)
Figmentia Symptoms from Tracy Sprouse.
  • Even discarded plastic straws, knives, bottlecaps, and plastic lais become potential terrain objects.
  • You have to pay a $20+ dollar damage fee to your school for the paint drips and dremel dust that has permeated every piece of furniture in your dorm room.
  • You throw an absolute fit when your spotter brush bends even less than one degree out of straight alignment.
  • Laundry money goes towards figure purchases.
  • You complain loudly when someone notices your nicely painted miniatures and then they want you to paint a portrait or a mural.
  • You inheret paint sets.
Figmentia Symptoms from Jennifer.
  • You attempt to register for your wedding at the art supply store.
  • You view the crumbly green stuff in the spice rack as terrain, not food.
  • Hearing you using an aerosol can in the bathroom, friends automatically know you're applying primer, not hair spray.
  • None of your dozen aerosol cans even contain hair spray.
Figmentia Symptoms from Steve Massei.
  • You have reached for a pot of paint only to jerk back your arm/hand painfully impaled by one or more spearmen.
  • You claim this is *not* one of the reasons you built/purchased an elevated stair-step-style rack for your paints.
  • Cardboard box lids (used to catch overspray while air-brushing/base-coating) begin to exhibit oddly interesting patterns. (This is much easier than you might think, especially when not-so-properly-ventilated fumes from rattle cans are involved.)
  • The layers of overspray on your painting table/front porch begin to resemble a painting by Piet Mondrian.
  • You are well aware that the "domino effect" applies to more than just dominos, especially when painting regiments.
  • You have purchased one or more expensive power tools for the sole purpose of fabricating a *certain* piece of terrain.
  • You lament all the "wasted space" between the shelves of standard bookshelves used to store and display figures.
  • You have subsequently constructed numerous extra shelves spaced at 4 inch intervals more appropriate for the miniatures.
  • You notice that cutting the additional shelves was the only other time you've used the power tools since the terrain.
  • Despite all of this construction, you still own far more bookshelves containing miniatures than books.
  • You begin to suspect that despite your best cleaning efforts it is impossible to get rid of spray-paint dust.
  • The only time you actually play a game with your miniatures is when you're not in the mood to paint...
  • It suddenly occurs to you that you haven't actually played a game in months.
Figmentia Symptoms from Marianne Sommerfeld.
  • The globe in your middle-earth diorama is painted after the book of historical maps of middle-earth.
Figmentia Symptoms from James Hartman.
  • You drink your brush water by mistake.
  • You make a wash with your dirty water by mistake and create a great shade!
  • You mix one hundred times the amount of paint you need, trying to mix that perfect shade of grey.
  • You shake your next bottle of paint when the lid was not screwed down.
  • You move your bed out of the bedroom to add more table space.
  • You offer to paint every one elses mini's so they will look good.
  • Your ratio of painted vs. unpainted miniatures gets worse as time goes by.
  • You meet someone of the opposite sex that likes to paint, and you want to marry them.
  • You spend more money and many hours building a piece of terrain than it would cost to buy the thing from a manufacturer.
  • I could sculpt alot better if I had the right tool.
  • It would be really cool to have a miniature milling machine and lathe to make gun barrels and stuff.
  • Every holloween you stock up on cool stuff for your terrain.
  • You spend waay too much time surfing the net for more miniature galleries.
Figmentia Symptoms from Dave@Parr25.freeserve.co.uk.
  • you first start painting with paint found in your fathers shed.
  • your first effort looks like the three stooges have been sick on a piece of lead pipe.
  • parents say they have thrown out all your models, paints so you will a. get life, b.revise for your exams and not repeat play your metallica cd so you can say you didnt realise what time it is.
  • you get told your single figure isnt good enough because of the silver on a sword and then see the shop painter win best single figure in the golden deamon.ba#';ards (thanks liverpool gw(i've waited years to say that)*figbitterness
  • It drives you nuts when people look at your model and say thats good when they are a. looking at the floor b. they're thinking christ how many has he got.
  • you cant walk passed a games workshop with out . a. thinking iam glad iam not like those loonies. b.looking at the cabinate,without saying there shit i can do better or tut anyone can dry brush thats for people who cant blend that is.
  • realise your an old fart now and your focal point isnt an inch from your nose anymore and is now in next doors kitchen.
  • you think its just you and a few strange people you meet talking in a shop who love this thing we do.
  • what can u say good luck and enjoy
Figmentia Symptoms from Lauri the Man.
  • Spending hours at a hobby store thinking what to buy.
  • Spending hours in a hobby store talking to other funny people and thinking "Boy , he is SO mad about this game. But I am NOT! I just like it..."
  • Trying to cast skulls for your miniatures bases into BLUETACK with POLYESTERINE CEMENT.(!!!???)I tried this one!
  • Buying the QW's new Dwarf army deal just because it looks cool or you would be the first one in your city to have it.
  • Wondering where could you get those old type of Eldar Guardians...
  • Spending hours in the net just to find a new WH40k site.
  • Painting your Dark reapers 10 times to get the perfect grey higlight.
Figmentia Symptoms from Scott G.
  • Your painting table has a HUGE amount of minatures on it unprimed/painted for the sole purposes of *finding* those new minatures that you snuk into the house last week already unpacked, so that you wife doesnt think you've been wasting your money again (guilty)
  • After 10 years of doing it, you still dont think that she knows you are still doing it.....
Figmentia Symptoms from Ronald Estacio.
  • You see the Tournament of Roses Parade and wonder if any greenhouses have 25mm roses...
Figmentia Symptoms from Rathein.
  • In 1983, you converted and painted four models to look like James Hetfield, Kirk Hammet, Cliff Burton, & Lars Ulrich (w/ drum set.)
  • In 1986, you entombed your Cliff Burton model, held a funeral for it, and then created Jason Newsted.
  • You built a shrine for Newsted, and you're anxiously awaiting the announcement on Metallica's next bassist - so you can make a model.
  • You get an e-mail from some horny bastard who saw photos of your Witch Elves on a porno site.
  • You wake up at 3 AM in the garage, and realize that you've been painting in your sleep.
  • Everyobdy else in the house is woken up by your screams of anguish when you realize you painted your Cold One Knights lavender in your sleep.
  • You're starting a petition to get the Shadowblade model released in the U.S.
  • You cried when you learned that your Nagash was no longer legal.
  • You have modeled dioramas of Elian Gonzales getting taken from his home, a truck crashing into the California state capitol building, and the Yankees celebrating their World Series win.
Figmentia Symptoms from Framcisca van Onzen.
  • Acute total yet temporary deafness. The person can not hear the doorbell, telephone or spouse (who is standing 4 feet away screaming for some attention)
Figmentia Symptoms from Darrin Teigen.
  • you have ever washed out a brush in your soda, but still drank it anyway.
  • in the many years you've been painting, you've never thrown away an old brush because it may come in handy for weathering.
  • you actually read all of the other submissions and related to most of them.
  • you've ever used an ex-acto knife to cut any kind of food you may have brought to your work area.
  • you've ever watched a movie or played a video game and thought " i wish they made a miniature of that!" i.e. 'predator' or 'starship troopers'
Figmentia Symptoms from DragonflyKnight.
  • Partha Paints Silver is your favorite flavor.
  • Actually arguing this point.
  • Accidentally get caught up comparing Figmata with the other guys in the hobby shop for over forty-five minutes.
  • Having enough Figmata to sustain a conversation that long. ( Hopefully spread out among several people )
Figmentia Symptoms from Nyarlathotep.
  • You have ever missed work or school to paint yer minis.
  • You have ever been fired from your job because of being chronicly late and/or absent to work/school.
  • You consider your super-glue encrusted & X-acto scar riddled fingers and "black" tongue (or whatever color you were predominately painting with that day) a badge of honor.
  • Family members show up unexpectedly because they haven't heard from you (during which time you were painting, of course).
  • You can find fellow souls in any games shop by uttering the following words: "GW Price Hikes".
Figmentia Symptoms from Sobekisis.
  • you're still looking for magnifying glasses/goggles that will magnify the miniature without magnifying the brush.
  • you've ever looked at a clock and wondered why it was dark at 10AM only to discover its 10PM and you've painted for over thirteen hours straight.
  • your child learned to read on dr. faust, not dr. seuss.
  • your child's first full sentence was "Flash is icky."
  • or worse yet "You missed some flash, mom."
Figmentia Symptoms from DarthFoley.
  • You have ever been placed on warning at work for painting at your desk. (True. Damn skaven)
  • Someone gave you a plastic angel ornament at Christmas to hang at your desk and told you flat out "Do not paint this"
  • You have a miniature of Elvis. (true)
  • Your wife has the Reaper Coffin Works catalog within easy reach for when she screws something up and knows this is the best way to make it up to you.
Figmentia Symptoms from owen.
  • whenyou realise the temperature in your shed where you are painting is near zero and you never noticed.
Figmentia Symptoms from Exile.
  • Reading up on, and identifying with, all of these symptoms instead of doing something else you should be doing. (as in the case of this morning) ;X
Figmentia Symptoms from Joseph Byrd.
  • when you have 75% of your Favorites saving cool web pages like this one.
  • when you feel you can identifie with the people and there own Symptoms of Figmentia,even though you don`t personaly know them.
  • Your manager at the quiet little book store where you "work" tells you she rearanged behind the counter today,and your box of painting stuff is now on the second shelf(true).
  • You are saveing the pakageing matierial from work ,to use for your own futur shiping needs.
  • your in troble when you realize you just sent an e-mail to Jen of Painttrix,and you actually called her a cutie(true).
  • You pass up the 3rd invite from your D and D buddies to go out to see a cool new movie,becuase you have painting to finish up for a customer.
  • You don`t mind it when it raines on your days off from your day-job.
  • You don`t consider your day-job your "real job".
  • Your friends begin to ask you out by saying "Hows your painting schedual looking?"
  • You are almost a personal friend with half the guys at G.W.`s Mail Order Debt.,but you have only met a couple of them more then once.
  • You smile like a mad man when some of your G.W. budies tell you what Chris Fitzpatrick uses to sculp with,and you know you use the same tools.
  • When you have a jar marked "Games Day" on your bed room dressor filled with spare change.
  • When your older brushes(the ones you use for that special model) seem like there a true freind.
Figmentia Symptoms from Eric Honaker.
  • You dream you're painting your new miniatures, and then get depressed when it doesn't come out as well once you get to paint it for real!
Figmentia Symptoms from J. Kerr.
  • When your fiancee' is convinced that her bird died from being stared at by 'the little men' all day long, day, after day, after day...
Figmentia Symptoms from Cadfan.
  • You didn't look through this list for things to sympathize with, you looked through this list for advice.
  • You've ever been teased for your hobby by an otaku.
  • You engage in animated, one sided conversations with your friends about "classical" vs Games Workshop style miniatures, dragons in particular.
  • You never actually PLAYED any war games, but you know the stats and special abilities of all the figures you own, as well as the mechanics of the system in which you could, hypothetically, use them.
  • You've ever tried to convince a friend to buy a box of 20 figures (catachan jungle fighters anyone?) because you need 3 of them for a diorama of the movie "Predator."
  • You own a color labeled "steel," but you still create it by hand using 3 different layers of similar, not-quite-steel colored paints.
  • You have the urge to auction off one of your miniatures on ebay, not because you want to sell it, but just to use the sale price to convince your ignorant friends that, really, you're just as good as those professional guys.
Figmentia Symptoms from Bill Tricomi.
  • You don't throw away used-up paintbrushes simply because you feel you're betraying an old friend.
  • You paint 2mm figures just so you and your friends have something to wargame with in the van during the 12-hour drive to Historicon.
  • You can't sell or give away a figure once it's painted because nobody else will appreciate it the way you do.
  • You spend hundreds of dollars to buy figures you didn't really want just to get that neat novelty figure that's "free with a purchase of 8 packs or more".
  • You're watching a soft-core porn movie on CineMax primarily to observe differences in the highlighting and shading of skin tones...
  • ...and, when the movie is over, the first thing you want to do is to get back to your painting table asap.
  • You are no longer interested in learning a company's set of miniature rules because the game they are demo'ing at GenCon is being played with *unpainted* figures.
  • You've taught yourself how to use the "Paradox" relational database software package just so you can keep up-to-date records of all your figures.
  • When visiting family for the weekend, you intend to travel light, but, somehow, the backseat of the car still ends up crammed with paints and figs - for "something to do".


  1. Somebody must sculpt some 25mm roses and all the flowers for me. Do you know if anyone does? I hide my Pine Sol in the very back of the cupboard. Paint does taste good and I cried when my Wizard fell off the shelf today. My mini's do have their own personalities and they talk to me. The mini's I see on the stores are lonely and they need me, they really need me.

    This was brilliant Kris. Thanks for posting it. I'm off for the Holidays. Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas.

    1. Well, not sculpt as such but there are some flowers you can get from Scenic Express that might fit the bill. You want to look at the larger scale stuff like S and O, not the HO stuff that will likely be to small.

      You definitely have a serious case of Figmentia!

      Merry Christmas Anne!

  2. Its sad to say that I can agree with most of the facts in this post!

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